Okay, another movie came out last year called “The Women” it featured the greatest actresses of our generation… and it sucked a whole lota dick.

Enter 2009, I’ve spent a lot of it waiting for Rob Marchall’s grad comeback known as Nine. In October, I got a listen to the couple of the movie’s tracks. I was blown away.

Then came tonight when I got a chance to see it right after I got out of Sherlock Holmes.

The movie centers around director Guido Contini in the late sexites (see what I did there) as he attempts to find himself and write a script… while juggling the women in his life… and in his past I guess (flashbacks make yur moviez cool) Yeah. That’s the whole movie.

I hate to compare movies to other movies. But I’m gonna do that here. In Chicago, Marshall’s last film, the singing basically got started right away. Shots were long… very long. When you go through all the trouble for those big, choreographed dsong and dance numbers, you want that shit to be seen. Every song was a showstopper and would get you pumped for the next scene. And Chicago ended with everyone learning a lesson.

None of these things happened tonight. Nine is to the musical what Nickelodeon is to cartoons now adays. I come into a musical expecteing good music. This isn’t what I found. Outside of Judi Dench, Kate Hudson, and Fergie (Who didn’t even have a spoken line in the movie)… I was begging for the songs to end. That being said, Fergie’s number was by far the best in the movie. One of the best I’ve ever seen in a musical actually. The sequence was shot how all of them should have been. Nice wide shots. And after all of Guido’s thoughts about his past and future… this motherfucker learns ABSOLUTLY NOTHING.

As much as I love women wearing next to nothing. I like sprinkles on my ice cream. After years of waiting for this director to come back and do again what he did in Chicago, I was greeted with the glorified music video. Wait for a DVD.

C+ (Fergie’s scene was just that good)

I received my Christmas present, a Steve Martin movie without pratfalls. It’s Complicated comes from the mind one of my most respected screenwriters Nancy Meyers (What Women Want, Something’s Gotta Give) Give her the opportunity to go nuts with some uncensored dialogue and you get this movie.

It follows ex-couple Streep and Baldwin continuing their sexual relationship after many years of being divorced and shit. Streep has become the “other woman”. But at the same time is dating her architect played by Steve Martin, who I’m kinda sad didn’t get a bigger part.

Streep is looking pretty good for sixty. You can’t deny that. And she and Baldwin have such great chemistry that I found myself rooting for them about halfway through.

There’s no doubt (lol Streep movie pun) in my mind that the actors had a blast making this movie. If you’re coming into this with a closed assed mind, or you’re from someplace in the country where it’s all backwards and shit. Then this movie isn’t for you. For anyone who loves great acting and some truly hilarious cracks on human relationships… don’t waste any more time and buy yourself a ticket.

I haven’t enjoyed myself in a movie like this is while.  It was great to cure my holiday blues. It also proves that age is just a number. It’s the slut on the inside that counts… wait… whatever. That sounded right.

P.S.

The pot smoking scenes are worth the price of admission alone.

A+

There’s no feeling quite like going into a movie and not knowing what the fuck it was about. Up in the Air based on Walter Kirn’s book of the same name, gives you that rare treat.

Damn, it’s hard to write a review for this without spoiling it… fuck.

George Clooney plays Ryan Bingham, a man who travels around the country to various workplaces and conducts employee layoffs on behalf of bosses too cowardly to do it themselves. On occasion, he delivers motivational speeches about the virtue of a relationship-free life, often using a backpack analogy. He relishes the comfort of being anonymous during his perpetual travels. He does not have a personal life and chooses to stay away from his family (although he pays his family a visit during his sister’s wedding). He is close to achieving his personal goal of 10 million frequent flyer miles. Truly baller.

During his frequent flying, he meets a woman named Alex, played by Vera Farmiga, with whom Bingham starts to pursue a somewhat casual relationship. Bingham receives a business partner, Natalie Keener, played by Anna Kendrick, a young, ambitious, but still naïve graduate.

During the course of the movie, Clooney gets schooled on what is truly important in life. As he goes from place to place, firing people and listening to their stories.

When all is said and done. You’re left just as the movie says “Up in the Air”. The movie was filmed on location in a bunch of airports, that was pretty badass. It’s worth your money. One of the best of the year. I just wish it was longer.

A-

I walked into the theater on Christmas Day expecting a blockbuster hit, not a stellar movie.  Mr. Holmes and the Doctor havethoroughly silenced my fears.  Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes provides a well-balanced mixture of action and plot, with a few momentary slow-motion glimpses into Holmes’ thoughts.  In several fight scenes, one sees first-hand Holmes’ famous deductive reasoning in what is almost a “How-to” for concise ass-kicking.

I have heard frustrations from a couple die-hard fans of the books about the decision to make Doc Watson into more of an action-inclined character as opposed to his previous meek self.  His past life provided a counter-balance to Holmes’ madness, and this is missing in the new Watson.  Instead, he complements Holmes, providing a calm mind as well as a swift helping hand in battle.  Their school-girl banter shown several throughout the film is reminiscent of the television show Gilmore Girls.  This is however, not a bad thing.  This banter provides a quick reprise from the much darker storyline.

*********Spoiler below*********

Die-hard fans of the detective will be pleased to know that Moriarty does make an appearance in the film, and the film ends with an introduction to Holmes’ next adventure, and the next film: the pursuit of Moriarty.

B+

Last night, I was reminded why I’ve loved Disney even before I could talk. Their ability to not only deliver a classic story, but to do it with such grace, respect, and soul.

This hasn’t been happening much around the Walt Disney Company lately.

The studio released “Bolt” last year. First Disney movie overseen by John Lasseter of the Pixar camp. That movie was for of style and substance. But really lacked a soul. Something that’s existed in these movies since the 1930’s. The Snow White‘s and the Lion King‘s.

Disney announced early last year that they’d be returning to their roots after a number of unsuccessful 3D movies. This was the one they were talking about. And the kicker… the first black Disney Princess. No Jasmine (Aladdin) is NOT black. We’ve been over this.

NOW, on to the film. I don’t wanna spoil much.

The movie takes place in 1950’s  New Orleans. And we have a poor, realist black girl who’s just trying to fulfill her daddy’s dream of opening a restaurant. But of course, the universe is against her as she struggles to come up with the money. Along the way, she runs into a prince, transformed into a frog by the evil Shadow Man (best Disney villian I’ve see in a LONG time). But in kissing the frog only turns her into one as well. They escape certain death into the bayu. Then all chaos cuts loose after that.

This being a classic musical. There’s singing. A lot of it. All of it Jazz and R&B… and it’s all good… REALLY good. I’m not usually into R&B, but this was so tasteful and thoughtful. I couldn’t help but nod a bit.

The only problem I saw was it ending kinda abruptly. But other then that. Flawless. My favorite animated film of the year. Sorry Up.

This is exactly what Disney should ALWAYS be doing. There’s no longer any sort of excuse. Let Pixar handle the 3D shit. This is what the company was meant to do. And it shows. And as for the first black princess, bravo. They didn’t go overboard with the “black thing”. She was just a normal girl, who was black. I think that’s all we wanted. I’ll say it once more. Best animated film of the year.

A+

I‘ve been catching a lot of flack for this lately… but I really didn’t like Ninja Assassin.  Much as I enjoyed Rain in Speed Racer, I don’t think his awesome pecs and physical ability could really drive a movie for ninety minutes. But apparently the Wachowskis know better then I do.

Well… where to start? Ninja Assassin begins with that dude from Tokyo Drift and his goons getting all decapitated and shit by our ninja protagonist. It seems all good right now… but then… we go to a flashback. Then to 2 on the DULLEST cops I have ever seen in the movie. One of which becomes to female love interest of Rain… which was never really built upon.

The rest of the movie consists of a series of action scenes tied together by clunky, awkward dialouge… and a ridiculous ninja chase on the freeway. All coming to a dumb conclusion of Modern Warfare Vs. Ninja Gaiden. Beyond pathetic. Even for the creators of the Matrix sequels.

Before you get into all those “You’re looking too much into it” bullshit thoughts… I paid 10 bucks to see this shit. I’m expected a beginning… middle… and end. Not a jumbled mess of flashbacks and failed attempts at Johnny Tran being a ninja. Also, how about some CG from this decade? I don’t think I’m asking for much here.

The movie delivers on the action front very will. Rain is showing he can really be a decent action star. He just needs to find a decent movie to be in first.

C-