Okay, another movie came out last year called “The Women” it featured the greatest actresses of our generation… and it sucked a whole lota dick.

Enter 2009, I’ve spent a lot of it waiting for Rob Marchall’s grad comeback known as Nine. In October, I got a listen to the couple of the movie’s tracks. I was blown away.

Then came tonight when I got a chance to see it right after I got out of Sherlock Holmes.

The movie centers around director Guido Contini in the late sexites (see what I did there) as he attempts to find himself and write a script… while juggling the women in his life… and in his past I guess (flashbacks make yur moviez cool) Yeah. That’s the whole movie.

I hate to compare movies to other movies. But I’m gonna do that here. In Chicago, Marshall’s last film, the singing basically got started right away. Shots were long… very long. When you go through all the trouble for those big, choreographed dsong and dance numbers, you want that shit to be seen. Every song was a showstopper and would get you pumped for the next scene. And Chicago ended with everyone learning a lesson.

None of these things happened tonight. Nine is to the musical what Nickelodeon is to cartoons now adays. I come into a musical expecteing good music. This isn’t what I found. Outside of Judi Dench, Kate Hudson, and Fergie (Who didn’t even have a spoken line in the movie)… I was begging for the songs to end. That being said, Fergie’s number was by far the best in the movie. One of the best I’ve ever seen in a musical actually. The sequence was shot how all of them should have been. Nice wide shots. And after all of Guido’s thoughts about his past and future… this motherfucker learns ABSOLUTLY NOTHING.

As much as I love women wearing next to nothing. I like sprinkles on my ice cream. After years of waiting for this director to come back and do again what he did in Chicago, I was greeted with the glorified music video. Wait for a DVD.

C+ (Fergie’s scene was just that good)