Month: March 2010

Accept the Whole Package

Any of us who write anything run into “that guy”. The guy that’s eager to read to shit, but is only looking to pick out flaws. They seem to run quite rampant these days.

As a guy who’s frequently bombarded with hate (haters gotta hate, ya know) I can say, if you’re ONLY gonna pick at these certain things, you certainly aren’t looking and the big picture. My language or my subject matter. People get murdered, people get raped. Nothing personal. But I keep it real when I write. If I wanna fluff up the universe, I’ll damn fucking will do that. I have and will in the past.  But it’s not fair to cast the spell of judgment on shit you don’t get. I discussed a situation like that not too long ago. And they can suck dick.

I got it a lot from my daycare murder scene in “Nightowl” and from the sheer language of “The Creative Process”. But I think it’s what gives them some of their zing.

Mind you, I don’t really curse too much IRL. And I only use the term “rape” in the fighting game circle. But people will just learn to adjust, build a bridge and get the fuck over it.

Like for instance, I curse like a motherfucker whenever I write ANYTHING. Whether it be or story, dissecting someone’s retarded forum post… it’s just how the fuck I roll bitches.

No political commentary is meant there… am I rite? Seriously, it was unintentional. haha

Dave Klyber gets a movie! Sort of!

In the spirit of RPG Maker 2000 there’s another Chronicles thing in the works… besides the finale “Failure” movie I’m doing.  Keep an eye on my twitter and the facebook page

Creative Process update!

As many of you can imagine, it’s a fucking uphill climb to make a movie on absolutely no budget, no matter how strong the script is you might have. But I have a feeling it’s going to work out.

This venture has been quite fun, seeing what I see do with little or no money involved, just moxie, grit, and sleep deprivation.

On the pre-production side, I’m all set. I know where I want to film and I know what I want to do. I just need to find some actors to commits to this. So if you live around Chicago and you think you can act worth a spit. You know where to find me. Just pop an e-mail or comment and I’ll hit you with a script.

Hopefully, we can start shooting in a couple of months. But we’ll see how it goes, if I don’t get this rolling in a couple of months, I might need to put it on the back burner for a bit.

Who wants their 3D? and who wants it NOW?

I don’t know what brought back 3D. The farthest back I can remember is My Bloody Valentine in 3D. Frankly it was terrible. Following My Bloody Valentine in 2009, 22 more films were released in 3D. Compare that to 13 in 2008 with only four of them being major motion pictures outside of museum screens. Compare that to 10 in 2007, with only two being major motion pictures, one of them being outside of IMAX.

However when people say why is 3D coming back, where’s it really coming back from? From 1990-2000 there were only 47 films made in 3D. Over 80% of those films were educational IMAX films or they were made for 3D ride simulators. From 2001-2010 There have (will be) 117 films made in 3D.

So really though, where’s the comeback?

According to the stats, the amount of 3D films from 1990-2000 to 2001-2010 has increased by 249%
I still don’t see what we’re coming back from. Unless we’re all referring to the fact that all those 3D shows at Disney and Universal really stopped entertaining us the same way they did when we were 10 years old.

In 2008/2009 when 3D started making it’s comeback in theaters, one could only assume it would make to to DVD. Trouble is, those DVD’s couldn’t hold that much. So you had 2D on one side and 3D on the other. No room for fancy special features or that pretty artwork we all love so much. How on earth would 3D ever take off with bullshit like that?!

So then God gave us this magical thing called Blu-Ray. It can hold a lot more than those floppy old DVD’s, and whatdya know?! We can put that pretty cover art on the front of the disc again, and still not use up the entire other side! And best of all? We can keep the 3D!

With all this extra room, the industry wants to start pushing the consumer towards Blu-Ray, and ultimately 3D. We all just got done buying our DVD players and fancy big boxy TV’s but now it suddenly isn’t good enough. We have to go trade in our new TV’s and DVD players for more electronics that will go out of date in a few years.

Why do you ask?

Because it’s gorgeous.

But is the 3D?

3D movies aren’t the 3D movies you remember from Universal and Disney. There’s no more arms reaching out at you, or shattered glass coming at your face. No, it’s just real life, and I don’t mean that in a “oh wow its so real” way. There’s perception Added depth to the screen. Get it?

So when you pay that extra $3 or $4 for your 3D glasses, you’re paying for a darker picture with depth. Kinda neat… no.

Does anyone remember how many “amazing” 3D experiences were in Avatar?

The point of this entry?
Just tell me, what’s so interesting about tunnel vision?

Korean Cinema at it’s Finest

I really can’t find anything sarcastic to say. Mother is one of those movies that just hits it marks and hits them with like an archer in the Olympics.

Director Boog Joon-ho (The Host) takes us to rural Korea where we meet Do-joon and his mother Hye-ja, a ginseng vendor and an unlicensed acupuncturist in a small town in southern South Korea. Do-joon is mentally disabled and frequently runs into trouble with the law with his dumbass friend. But when he witnesses a murder, he’s the only suspect.

Going against the whole fucking system his mother goes searching for clues to clear her sons name, only to find a little more about herself then she bargained for. She’ll do anything to prove her sons inocesse, literally anything.

Ho never loses the sense of sheer desperation on the part of the protagonist, and doesn’t give away a single thing… but in the last 20 minutes it all comes full circle.

It’s hard to write a review for this without spoiling it, so I’ll just end this by saying, this is going to end up on my best of 2010 list for sure.


Didn’t I Tell You To Fuck Off?

Wow, 100th post. Radical.
Our government is fucked up, this doesn’t require a deep, obnoxious documentary… sorry Michael Moore. Instead of whining and bitching about it, those crazy Britishers have mocked the fuck out of it. It is a spinoff from the amazing BBC Television series, The Thick of It satirizing politics in the 21st century. In the film, the President of the United States and the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom are trying to start a war in the Middle East. The plot follows government officials and advisers in their behind-the-scenes efforts either to promote the war or prevent it… and showing just how inept the system is.

What makes the movie shines is the writing. This film was nominated for Best Adapted Screenplay and it shows, the british humor is rampant and inside jokes are abound. Peter Capaldi rocks as Malcolm Tucker the foul mouthed adviser to the Minister for International Development.

Great shit. The movie flips between focusing on the new hire, the Americans, and the crazy British as they attempt  to crack each others “code” and attempt to one up each other.

The movie kinda runs out of steam in the last twenty minutes, but the rest is golden, including a non-recognizable Steve Coogan. I haven’t seen it on any store shelves, but I’m sure you can find a copy soon somewhere.

The Exploding Ex-Wives of Blue Man Group

When I first heard people talking about Avatar I honestly thought, “Why is everyone freaking out over a movie about The Last Airbender?” Even after I saw the trailer for the first time, I still thought thats what it was about. The movie came out, and I still went on believing it had something to do with The Last Airbender until one of my co-workers informed me about this huge super-project of Cameron’s and how “You’ll never want to take the glasses off.” So like most movies I go see, I decide to go see them on a whim with my girlfriend at 11:00pm not knowing this would be three hours. (though I really should’ve, this IS Cameron) I was completely blown away the moment the movie started. This whole idea really had me interested, or so I thought. The movie is indeed beautiful. Very very beautiful. And I honestly wish I would’ve seen it in IMAX but I settled for 3D at the local AMC. here I am “holy shitting” at people having sex with pony-tails and some blue marine riding a dragon. Who would’ve thought…

I saw The Hurt Locker during the AMC Oscar      Marathon. After seeing Blind Side, An  Education, Precious and Up In The Air, I was  ready for something that could actually keeping    me awake without having to see a large black  woman running up eight steps in a run down  apartment. I didn’t know what to expect from  this movie. I had been staring it down everyday  on the shelf at work, and wanted to see it in  theaters before, but I guess I just never got  around to it. I didn’t have the “HOLY SH*T”  reaction that I did after seeing Avatar, but  I subtly enjoyed it. It didn’t hit me until later that  I loved it because it was real war. It wasn’t a guy  with one more round in his 9mm facing a life or  death in a draw with an enemy sniper thats 50 yards away and he manages a headshot, gets 60 war medals and a parade and the last shot is a fade out of the American flag. No, it definitely wasn’t like that at all…

But one thing I don’t agree with.

Why all the hate?

In defense of Avatar:
15 years in the making and people base their reviews on this film like a movie that was made within a year or two. The book pictured to the right is the “Avatar Survival Guide.” I noticed it while roaming Barnes and Noble the other night and decided to pan through it. Nearly every plant, animal and vehicle and recorded in this book, and we’re not talking just a picture and a name. They list details, species, family in the plant/animal kingdom, scientific name, and a brief history. Once you flip through and realize how much thought really went in to all the “pretty” you see on the screen its really breathtaking. If you browse YouTube you can find hundreds of clips of Cameron and his crew talking about the physics and realism that went into the design of every aspect of the movie. With so much going on in the movie, how on earth do you expect to have a new and interesting story with so much attention being put towards realism and visuals?

However to turn that around…

How do you spend 15 years on a movie, and the best you can do is a fancy flashy remake of Pocahontas or Fern Gully? Honestly that just doesn’t seem right to me. I mean sure it’s not the same. It adds so much more complexity and technology to these simple stories, but when it gets down to it, it’s the same exact story.

I like your movie Mr. Cameron, I really do. But next time, can we not have a storybook sitting next to you while you write your own?

In defense of The Hurt Locker:
This is really plain and simple.

It’s real.

The Hurt Locker is based off of the accounts of Mark  Boal, a journalist that was placed with an American  bomb squad in Iraq. That alone makes the movie that  much more appealing. What you’re watching actually  happened, and something about that makes it really easy  for the audience to connect and feel with whats going on  on the big screen. This movie finally gives a real glimpse of whats really going on in Iraq, and how even the soliders don’t really even know their jobs. They just keep fighting.

And as if the hostility between Americans and Iraqi forces weren’t shown enough on screen, you could definitely feel the tension off as well. Shots were fired at the cast several times during filming.

Hurt Locker had a budget of $11,000,000 while Avatar exceeded $100,000,000.
Avatar took the lead for the highest grossing film ever, beating Cameron’s Titanic.

Do any of these numbers mean anything to me?

I loved both movies. I love movies in general, and what I don’t love is seeing people trying to compare two completely different movies in nearly every way possible.  Avatar and Hurt Locker have just about nothing in common besides the fact that Bigelow and Cameron probably slept with each other quite a few times. Even more ironically, Cameron pushed Bigelow to direct Hurt Locker. Fierce competition aye?

Here is Cameron and Bigelow laughing together after the Oscars.

So much hate huh?

If Cameron can take a loss like that, and Bigelow isn’t a sore winner…

then why all the hate amongst the fans of two amazing movies?

Just sayin’

The Cove

If you know me, you know I’m all for a good documentary that swings one way with some of the most ridiculous biased heart stopping facts thrown at you to shock you and make you believe everything you read. These are the same films you can walk away from and say, “Yeah, but what about the other side to it?” You leave the theater and brush every letter of text that was just on the screen right off of your shoulder, and go on with your day. And The Cove would be one of those movies…

…until you see the facts in real time.

I’m all for being an activist about anything. If you feel that strongly about an issue, you should definitely go for it. This movie has made me want to go for it.

Ric O’Barry is one of, if not the most famous Dolphin trainer in the world. Remember that good old show Flipper?

Everything you see Flipper doing? That’s thanks to Ric. You can also thank Ric for the hundreds, maybe even thousands of  Dolpinarium’s around the globe taking these animals against their will (and not even in peril like they want you to think) to put them out on show for our entertainment. And believe me;

He feels terrible.

Now Ric’s main point of focus is a bay located in a small village off of the coast of Japan. This is where the majority of the show dolphins you see come from. Fishermen hoard the dolphins in from sea by the hundreds and trainers from all over the globe come to handpick their dolphins. The ones that don’t get picked? They go to the cove, and they don’t come out of the cove. But lots of blood does.

Ric and his team do some great special ops work that put anything you’ve seen in in Modern Warfare 2 to shame, and they make a pretty moving documentary while they’re at it.

This was very deserving of the Academy Award and I don’t think I’ll be this moved by a doc. for a long time.


If you’d like to help in anyway, text ‘DOLPHIN’ to 44144 or visit

I Realized I Had A Natural Talent for Sucking Cock on Camera

It’s not often I run into a movie that looks to be one way… and billed to be one way… but at the last second it bitchslaps you and becomes something completely diffrent.

Welcome to Women in Trouble.

See, that trailer reaks of a chick flick doesn’t it. Don’t be fooled. This is a chick flick yes… but what if a VERY heterosexual male made a chick flick? This is it.

The movie centers around 10 women and all the various shenanigans they get into one fateful day through intertwining stories. A really overused formula, but very amusing and effective in this case.
Watchmen’s Carla Gugino plays Electra Luxx, a porn star who gets trapped in an elevator after discovering she’s pregnant. With her in that elevator is Doris played by Connie Britton who’s snobby and irritating.
Not far away we have Maxine (Sara Clarke) whose husband (Simon Baker) is cheating on her with the mother of one of her patients who is REALLY the biological child of Doris… And that’s about the first 10 minutes of the movie.

Yeah, the movie gets REALLY ADD but that’s the fun. Later we meet some stripper and we talk about eating pussy and beastiality… a lot. If you’re into these things or not, you’ll enjoy those scenes.

With it’s sequel (Electra Luxx: Porn Star For Hire) just months away from a release, I’m glad I didn’t continue to ignore this. All the women are hot as hell… Joseph Gordan Levitt is in it. What’s not to like? This is straight from the mind of director Sebastian Gutierrez. He’s on my list with Charlie Kaufman as my inspiration.