Month: April 2010

Speechless

There’s a chilling feeling you get when you see a marvelous film. It kinda makes you feel like crying. Just watch this clip.

This is one of moments that makes the Oscar-nominated The Secret of Kells so wonderful and mystical. It’s great porn for the soul.

“The story is set in the ninth century. Obsessed with building a mighty wall to keep marauding Viking raiders from destroying the Monastery of Kells, Abbot Cellach expects his young nephew Brendan (our hero) to follow in his footsteps. Brendan has apprenticed in the scriptorium of the monastery and has heard the story of Aidan of Iona, a master illustrator. Later, Aidan himself comes to the monastery, accompanied by his cat Pangerbon. Aidan has escaped from the Vikings who have destroyed his own monastery, and has brought the Book of Kells he is working on. Aidan shows Brendan the beauty of art and stimulates his creativity and fantasy. His eyes and hands are failing, and he needs Brendan to assist. Brendan is forbidden to leave the monastery, but Aidan sends him into the forest to look for gall nuts to make ink. A faerie/wolf spirit, Aisling, introduces him to a wider world. Brendan needs to stand up to his uncle and face his greatest fears in his quest to complete the book.”

This movie sends a message about censorship… and actually about growing up. Going outside your own walls and getting shit done.

Bruno Coulais (Coraline) comes through with another one of his many epic soundtracks and I can do nothing but smile whenever I hear any of the songs from the movie. The soundtrack is a must have.

I really can’t recommend this enough. In a world of explosions and CG, we don’t have the time to appreciate fine art like this anymore. I’ve seen a lot of great movies so far this year. This is by far on top. I don’t know when it’s getting the DVD treatment, but let’s hope it’s soon.

A+

Those young whippersnappers with their pants on the ground…

Lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground. With that gold in yo mouth, hat turned sideways.

Anyway, if the Gen. Larry Pratt, Epic Beard Guy, and Betty White haven’t told you it alread… do not fuck with old people. They are motherfuckers and they will lay down the hurt. Add Michael Caine to the “badass geezer” list.

Harry Brown, a widowed Northern Ireland veteran living in an apartment complex that is rapidly descending into little nigglet crime. Harry takes up violent methods to curb crime after his only friend is murdered. Alfred’s taking up arms. Fuck yeah. Fight the power.

And that’s really all you can say about the movie. There is the obligatory female character, but she fits in quite well. Harry Brown is a former Marine, we don’t go too far into his past like I would like… but I guess they’re leaving room for a retarded ass prequel or something.

It’s always fun to watch nigglets get what they deserve. Michael Caine is proving once again, you don’t fuck with old people. This film will make you want to take up arms against the morons who keyed your car last week.

A-

Yay! J-Lo is back! /sarcasm

It’s been many years since Gigli… I know. It hasn’t been long enough. But J-Lo is back and with some guy that looks like Ben Affleck and sounds like Robert Downey Jr, I kid you not.

Okay, it’s 4AM… what do I do? I finally get the guts to bust open my screener of The Back Up Plan… got some oatmeal and fired it up.

Oh the horror.

The cliché police must have been raiding a Nicolas Cage movie, because of the sheer number of clichés that were just laying around for people to trip over.

Such as, the item in the beginning of the movie to be used as a lame plot device later. The dinner scene where everything just goes to hell… but it’s okay since they’re laughing. The woman overreacting and driving the man out of the house. Feeling bad and moping for overreacting… and room for a fucking sequel. J-Lo can’t act worth a shit. Who keeps lying to her? That’s just mean.

The best part of the movie was Anthony Anderson… that’s just fucking sad.

You might be saying right now that I know nothing about romantic comedies… that I’ll get in tomorrow morning article.

Shit sucks. Go read a book or masterbate. I gotta go watch a good movie now.

F

Some films get stuck in development hell for a reason.

Little Big Soldier is Jackie Chan’s lastest Chinese flick… which has been in development hell for the past 20 years. But long gone are the days of Drunken Master and Operation Condor Jackie Chan. Now it’s old, I’mo chill the fuck out Jackie Chan. This is fine, the nigga is old now and has enough brusies to last him four lifetimes.

That’s all not to say he doesn’t do his share of stunts in this movie, he delivers on that. But outside of Chan comedicly fighting people like he usually does… there is dull, really dull and dry dialog.

The movie is about an old foot soldier and a young high-ranking general from a rival state (with quite a secret) who become the only survivors of a ruthless battle. The soldier decides to kidnap the general and brings him back to his own state in hopes for a reward in return. And of course on the way, they run into bandits and have to do the whole buddy movie thing. Nothing new here.

Again, when there was fighting. It was good.

I hear people whining about the ending. Shut up, the ending was just fine. Very dramatic. But Chan’s just not what he used to be. But then again, the script didn’t really do him much justice. Well, you live and your learn Mr. Chan. Time for move on.

C+

Damages Season 3 wrap up (YAY FLASHBACKS)

CloseGlen Close has proven once again why she’s queen of the universe… At least at 10PM eastern on Mondays. But really most of the credit goes to the writers of the non-linear story arch the show presents. You think you know what’s going on… then you realize… “Shit, I’m retarded. Why didn’t I see that?” And even if the main plot isn’t your cup of tea, there are a good dozen side plots going on. The addition of Lily Tomlin and Martin Short this season. The writers really took the time to make you fulling understand the characters, that’s always been the show’s strength. Humanize each and every one of them. There are no good goods or bad guys. Just bad and worse. And lol at Ted Danson.

I guess what really draws me into Damages is mostly the fact that it hits really close to home on a lot of levels. From the love of money to the deception and dirtiness that comes from being a lawyer. Being the son of a scambag lawyer I can tell you that a lot of the stuff that goes on in this show, does happen. Think about that.

Kudos to Fox for yet another wonderful season, there’s a lot of stories that still need to be told it looks like, so on with season four.

A+