Month: May 2010

The Guy Who Regretted Being Creepy

There are so many great detective novels and so few movie adaptations, that I’m glad to see one this good. The Girl With Dragon Tattoo (Men Who Hate Women in the original Swedish) tells the story of a blacklisted journalist(Michael Nyqvist) and a young gothic hacker(Noomi Rapace) attempting to solve a 40-year-old murder of the daughter of one of the wealthy Vanger brothers. As the story unravels you find that the Lisbeth, Noomi Rapace’s character, has great justification for her interest in the case and utter loathing of men. I don’t want to give away too much of the storyline, but there is one powerful scene worth mentioning. Lisbeth is under custody of a guardian due to violent tendencies when she was younger. Her new guardian is a creep who forces her first to give him a blowjob in exchange for access to her bank accounts (he, being her guardian, controls her money). Later, she goes to his apartment armed with a hidden camera and catches him on tape beating her, strapping her to a bed and brutally raping her. As payback, she comes back, ties him up, shoves a dildo up his ass, and leaves the recording of his rape playing on the television in the room. Needless to say, she gained unlimited access to her funds.  This girl is one bad motherfucker, in the best since of the phrase, and she is reason enough to watch this movie. It may just be that I don’t pay much attention to Swedish film, but this girl really hasn’t done anything notable before this, and she is one of the most impressive female protagonists I’ve seen in quite some time. It will be interesting to see Carrie Mulligan play her in the American version of the film. She’s actually perfect for the role physically, but I’m not sure she can play such a strong female role since her awkwardness is what made her so adorable in An Education. I’m looking forward to watching the next two in this series over the next couple days.

I plan to write a more all-encompassing review of the whole trilogy once I’ve seen the other two movies, so for now, I apologize for not including much of the plot in this.


It’s Like Van Helsing… but good

I’m just as anti-Christian as they come. But when it comes to having actual faith (there’s a diffrence) It’s good to have something to fall back on.

Soloman Kane, based on the pulp comics of the same name, takes place in the 1600’s with Kane, a merciless mercenary for Queen Elisabeth I.  The Devil’s Reaper, he realizes he must seek redemption or have his soul damned to Hell. He returns to England and lives a life of peace, converting to puritanism. But this does him jack shit good. After the abbot has some evil visions of Solomon, he’s expelled and returns to the land of his birth, where he had also be expelled many years ago.

On his way, he notices the land is under attack from the spawn of Satan(witches, etc) and upon the murder of a close friend, he realises the only way to redeem himself is the set said murder right.

The movie looks and feels like Van Helsing… only good. The landscape (shot in central Europe) fits the setting perfectly and costuming is wonderful… because it is after all, a period piece.

This IS a low budget film… and there are times when that shit shines though. But those times are freuqently covered up by a flashing fight scene or some decent dialouge.

As far as comic book movies with a totally unknown cast… well… this is EXACTLY how you do it. Without the star power, you’re forced to create something engaueing… and this is just that.

Doom , gloom, and rain.


A Second Look at the Nasty

When you can’t sleep at 2AM, there are two things you can do.

1. Force yourself to watch a movie you reallllllllyyy don’t wanna watch.

2. Re-examine a film you like.

I wisely chose to do the latter. And I chose Nasty Old People. I was a fan before, and I can proudly say after a second watching, I still am.

If you all haven’t noticed the pattern with me, I’m into deep, character driven films. So this is really up my alley.

Another thing that helps my like this so much is. the fact everyon ein this movie is fucked up, from our heroine Mette to semi-delusional, lovestuck Elise.

The whole Nazi thing does seem random and forced still, but then again, life is pretty random as well and it gives Mette a little more depth.

This second time around I found myself getting engrossed even more then last time… having recently reviewed my notes from the mental hospital. I felt like I connected. Very strange for a movie such as this… but to each his own right?

I plan to give it a show during my summer movie series so I’ll see what some other folks think of it.

Still one of my favorite indies.


Super Fighting Robot

Ah yes, video games into movies. This is a recipe for success… where could you possibly go wrong.

These are words that had to have been spoken by James Yukich… the director of that abysmal Double Dragon movie.

Let’s face it. Hollywood will never give gamers the fan service they deserve in film of film. But that’s why we have indie filmmakers like one Eddie Lebron.

He’s just brought us the greatest video game movie ever made. Despite it’s freakishly low budget and sometimes hammy acting, it does with it’s supposed to do. Add on to the expensive you had in-game. The robot masters are there, including my favorite, GUTSMAN.
The story chronicles the first Mega Man game, from Dr. Wily’s fallout to the introduction of Protoman (who didn’t show up until Mega Man 4, but whatever)

Like I said earlier, the special effects are present… but sometimes quite laughable. But you have to remember this isn’t a big Hollywood production. Just a fan doing some awesome shit.

Hopefully this is a beginning to some totally badass things. It clocks in at 90 minutes which seems a little long, but it’s worth every minute. Fire up your browser and watch this shit. Now.

And oh yeah…

Iron Man 2: The Dragonball Z of comic book movies

Marvel has been doing a bang up job with their movies as of late. The Spider Mans to your Iron Man’s (Punisher War Zone never happened)

But with the recent acquisition of Marvel by the evil mickey mouse corporation had me worried. Will they got for quantity over quality (I’m looking at YOU Fox.)  Or will they take their time and get it right like they did with Iron Man and Hulk.

I came into Iron Man 2 excepting the same, snarky flare I got from the first and loved.

Jesus was I wrong.

I movie starts off fine with Mr. Stark being… himself and refusing to share his toys. This part of the movie was good. Then we were introduced to the movie’s villian… Oh wait a second… this movie HAS NO CENTRAL VILLAIN.


The trailer shows a lot of whiplash… but he gets his ass kicked in like… a minute. He spends the rest of the time working a lab arguing on and off.

Meanwhile, Tony self destructs his life.

And that’s basically Iron Man 2.


I did like all the Avengers jokes that were in there (lol Cap’s shield) But everything that was done in the movie felt like it was followed by a “wink, hint hint… Avengers reference”. As if it’s all just gonna come together in later movies. This is fine. But when you’re spending the whole movie building up to things, there’s a chance nothing’s gonna get done. That’s the horror that’s fallen upon this one. Great action and snarky dialog has been replaced with the hint hint shit and random crosstalk.

Though it’s not completely awful, it is rather disappointing. And with the slew of comic book movies leaking from Disney’s rectum in the next couple of years, this one is going to be a gem. Which is awfully sad. But that said, the fun stuff in here is really… fun. Give it a see if there’s nothing better playing around you.


I’m repulsed… AND I FUCKING love it

I’m a guy who knows how to stomach a horror movie. I’ve sat through every Saw, Nightmare On Elm Street… without even flinching. Really what I’ve been missing in my movie watching is something that makes you sick… I mean physically sick.

Welcome to The Human Centipede: First Sequence. Director Tom Six is no stranger to the weird and  intense(see: Gay in Amsterdam). But I think he’s pushed the horror medium to new, uncomfortable places.

The plot is really fucking hard to desribe… but I’ll try

The movie takes place in Germany… and there’s a surgeon who’s one of the best in the world at separating conjoined twins. His one dream is to create a human centipede by attaching three people mouth and anus. Yes, mouth to anus.

This movie is not of the weak of heart, or stomach. I had just eaten dinner before watching. I don’t recommend doing it.

When all is said and done, this is a VERY intelligent, very well shot movie once you get over that first shock of seeing three people sawn together and shitting in each other’s mouths. The most disturbing moment in the film comes when the surgeon first explains his experiment while pointing at his crude diagrams. It’s crazy.

It’s got the gore for the Saw set… and psychological shit for the intelligent filmmaker.

For once, I can say I’m repulsed… AND I FUCKING love it. There is a deep engrossing movie in here if you’re will to stomach a few things.