Those of you who know me from around the internets (a series of tubes) knows that I am the foremost autority on trolling. I’m no Dick Cheney of course, but I know my trolling.

Now, you can’t just troll any old way. You gotta do it right. Hit em fast and hard (no homo). I’ll walk you through 4 easy steps to make you a successful troll.

1. Pick your targets.

-It’s really easy to find a mark on an internet forum. If you’re a begining troller, this is where you start. Make sure they’re saying something retarded first.

See below

Now, Nightowl is the trolling party (that’s me!) we had been arguing a little beforehand, and he could have TOTALLY dodged my troll if he hadn’t have written my name. Now, he’s fair game.

2. Poke, Poke, Juggle, Juggle

Now that we have the mark’s attention, it’s all up to you now. I suggest a couple of sarcastic one liners followed by a hilarious picture. Motivational ones get the best responses. And people who respond to trolls tend to be big babies, so you don’t even need to try too hard. But vary your responces and refrain from using “ROFL” or “LOL” Remember… this is the internet. It’s serious.

3. Finish Him

After poking a nigger a few times and used up a couple of forum pages it’s time to bring out the big guns.

-This can come whenever you feel like he’s been trolled enough… or you’ve gotten bored. It’s time to let it fly. Dosen’t matter if what you say is true or not. You just have to piss them off more. Be sure to have a speech in there about something that isn’t relevent. Also be sure to include something that hints you’re a flaming homosexual.

Give them your instant messaging address too and invite them to talk to you. Chances are they’re just a punk bitch anyway so it doesn’t even matter. CONGRATS! You have just trolled a motherfucker! Now to your reward of counselling and cake.

4. Collateral Trolling

If your successful troll is successful, you may have other little girls crying to their mommas as well.

And I wasn’t even trollin that dude. Internet is serious business. But it’s a hard life out there for a troll.

Well, that’s all I have for today. Next time, Trolling IRL.