You wake up at Seatac, SFO, LAX. You wake up at O’Hare, Dallas-Fort Worth,BWI. Pacific, mountain, central. Lose an hour, gain an hour. This is your life, and it’s ending one minute at a time.

This quote from Fight Club sums up waiting in the line for Capcom Fight club. For once, Capcom brought an event to our great city. You can’t even fathom how excited I was to get my hands on an early build on Marvel 3 and enjoy a live DJ and get some swag. Just general good times.

This did not happen.

Me and my friends showed up at the warehouse about 5:30PM (Event was to start at 8.) We chatted it up. It was good times. But around 7ish when they started rounding up the first 100 people that got wristbands… people were just giant assholes and cut the line.

SHOUT OUT TO ALL THE ASSHOLES THAT CUT THE LINE AND FUCKED IT ALL  UP.

ahem…

And to make matters worse, the dumb ass security had no fucking idea how to let people in. It was a huge blob of people. And after waiting over three hours, I was now towards the very back. We all were crowded like slaves getting onto a ship… and people were getting restless…

HOWEVER, they did find a way to start letting people in… they let women and couples in first.

Let me say that again.

Women and couples first. Like it’s a REAL FUCKING CLUB. Thankfully I had my friend Yvette with a nice rack and was able to get in… at about 9:30PM an hour and a half late. I owe Yvette and her boobs dinner.

My other friends weren’t so lucky…

A couple left in frustration. And a couple picked up trash and “earn the right” to get in.  That shit ain’t right AT ALL.

Once inside… I don’t know WHY they didn’t open the huge doors. It was well over 100 degrees and humid in there. And all the pizza and pop was gone (I hadn’t eaten all day.) But that was a minor concern. They have about 20 or so TVs and a giant projector all playing Marvel with TE sticks and 40 something inch flatscreens. Again, the lines were sort of a clusterfuck. But there was SOME order being done by the players.

Now can I mention the DJ… We should have had local player and DJ Jeffito run that shit. I was expecting upbeat dance music, maybe dance mixes of video game music… no. It was like listening to the radio. What a waste of money Capcom.

However, there was this douchenossle that wouldn’t get the fuck out of the way and I almost got into a fight with him. Dude had played 4 matches straight. That shit ain’t cool when there are lines like we had. He was an arrogant prick and I would have knocked him the fuck out… but I hadn’t played Marvel yet lol. But that’s a coulda shoulda.

After my one match… I just couldn’t handle the B.O. (nerds! WASH YOUR BUTT CRACKS) and the humidity. So I just went outside at around 10:15 and remained outside the rest of the night. I loved it how if you had to go pee or something, the bouncers wouldn’t let you back in… unless you were a woman. I still would like to know the logic being used here. They were just randomly letting certain people in. And keeping some out.

“Any Military?”

“Anyone under 5 feet?”

I’m dead serious. This is how they were selecting people to go in.

By the end of the night, we were all hot, sweaty and swagless. The only upside having played one or two rounds of Marvel. The organizers dropped the ball BIG TIME.

My message to Capcom is this…

Thank you for the free event and everything. But if you’re going to have a free event. CONTROL THE FUCK OUT OF IT. This was just one giant clusterfuck, and those fucking bouncers were just plain dumb. We shouldn’t need boobs or be trash men just to play a fucking game (a game which is VERY good by the way, everyone should buy it.) and when you say you’re giving out swag to 300 people. Live up to your word. Only the first 100 got anything. Unless I was lied to by your staff which is just as uncool. If order was just kept from the very beginning, this mess wouldn’t have happened. I’m not and angry person… if I’m fighting people, something is wrong.

Again, thanks to Capcom for setting this up. But if you’re going to do this. Pick a better location and get some people to run it that have an ounce of goddamn sense. This entire event seemed to be run half assed. Maybe you weren’t expecting so many people, but come on. A sense of order would have helped everything and everyone would have had a good time.

Chicago deserves better. We support you good. Support us good.

Again, Marvel 3 is good. Buy it. Just be careful with Capcom events apparently folks. They could either be awesome or bite you in the ass. My ass is very sore today.