It’s been a crazy time filming this movie, I have to say. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But that’s kind of the way I am. If there’s not challenge then something will always seem off. I feel like it won’t be as awesome as awesome as it could or should. Everything I do I always give a lot more than I should. Why? Because I love what I do.
Why do I do it if it causes you such pain and frustration?
It’s simple. Look at my life. My life sucks. It just sucks. I got a family that hates my guts and has gone as far to try and have me institutionalized (that was a great story). Then you have so called friends that don’t even acknowledge your presence… until of course they need something. Then they feel like talking. It’s pathetic quite frankly. Time and time again
This is why I make movies. I have a unique chance to make people’s lives not suck so much for an hour or two at a time. It’s something I do pretty okay I must say (though I’m sure some would disagree.) But it really makes me feel like I’m contributing something.
It’s never about me. It’s about the project and everyone in it. I do my very best to stand up for my guys. I pay them. Everything about every movie is funded out of my own pocket because I believe in what I’m doing. I put everything into it.
I honestly wish those I work with felt the same way. It’s a little heartbreaking sometimes but you really have to push through it.. They don’t know how hard you work or that most of their day is, but they’re actors. What do you truly expect right?
So I came to the decision that it’s time to go. There’s really nothing for me here. Much as I like Chicago I don’t really like the people that are in it quite frankly. It just seems like everyone is really full of shit as I’m learning. Lot of talk. Not a lot of doing. And I hate that. The more we talk, that’s less time we have to really get down and dirty and finish things that need to be finished and whatnot. It’s frustrating to say the least.
That’s kinda the deal with trying anything unusual and new. It’s the weirdest thing. I’ve had more support abroad for all of my projects than I’ve had in my own city. It’s like I have the plague. No one wants to really be associated with me, and those that do… don’t even really mention me at all. Like I’m nothing. Again, that really sucks but I’ve tried to not let it bother me. Have to have that diamond skin you know.
However, I’m a man of my word. And even though I’m moving to Goshen, Indiana I’m going to travel the 2 hours back quite frequently to finish it. Why? Because I’m a man of my word. And we’re going to finish the damn movie. Happy with anyone or not, I have to get it done because I don’t give up on things because they’re hard. I guess that’s the gamer in me.
But hopefully I can go where people don’t know me, make new friends, and finish school. Then go wherever I please from that point on. It should be fun times ahead. And I’ll be looking forward to watching roller derby and helping Willie because no one knows how to use a camera.
All and all, it took me a number of years, but I’ve come to this conclusion.
It’s not me, it’s them. I’m a nice, cool, guy. Everyone else just sucks and the people I know don’t deserve me.
If feels good to say for once. Fuck being humble. This city is awful and I can’t wait to be away from all these people for a very very long time.