Hidden Gems

Invasion of the Not Quite Dead

There are a buttloadof horror m ovies out there. Not very many catch my eye.

But take a look at Indywood Film’s Invasion of the Not Quite Dead

Much like my film, it’s made purely from fan donations. So go donate. It’s looking pretty badass already.


You know, old people are pretty old…

In a world where we have Transformers and Avatar costing hundreds of millions to make, we tend to forget the lighter side of filmmaking.

Filmed on a ridiculously low budget, nasty old people takes us into the life of a 19 year old neo-nazi and the old people she takes care of for a living.

From a paranoid old bat, to a horny old woman to a 49 year old writer with cancer. All of them teach our Nazi friend that life can be a great thing.

A virtually unknown cast creates one of the most realistic depictions of lonely shut ins I’ve seen in recent memory. I was in a mental hospital for a time, I can say the depictions are pretty much spot on. Not necessarily crazy, but just lonely and misunderstood.

The movie plays out more like a series of short plays. Showing the day to day lives of the characters. Wheater it’s drawing pictures of their cancer-ridden brain on a chalkboard or watching porn and telling people they’re ugly.

After all is said and done, I was left with a warm feeling. I could see a lot of myself in the movie. The fact that you can solve anything with a little positive thinking. Don’t know if that’s what the director was going for, but that’s what I got out of it. Very well shot and even better acting. You can pick the movie up at “The Pirate Bay”.


Hidden Gems: No, it's not that butt-ass-horrible TV Show

Stanley Tucci doesn’t get enough credit sometimes. I really started paying attention to him after his performance in “The Devil Wears Prada”, but he’s got quite a resume going all the back to “Miami Vice”.

He directs and stars along with the always beautiful Patrica Clarkson in “Blind Date”. They play a couple trying to cope with the loss of their young daughter by engaging in a series of blind dates… each one stranger then the last. The games can’t last forever however and leads to yet another tragedy.

Tucci and Clarkson show off the best of their veteran acting chops here. A temper tantrum here, a punch there, buttfucking here.

The concept of the movie is so simple, and takes place on only 2 sets. Low budget film at it’s best.

We get the treat to see two great actors show off everything they’ve learned during the years in a single film. Wonderful acting and mysterious narration keep you guessing. You never know what the fuck they’re going to be next. That might be frustrating for some… but great for others. This is making my Best of 2009 list for sure.


Hidden Gems: A Dark Truth. We will be having sex when we're old.

As much as we don’t like to think about it. Old people have sex. A lot. I mean, what else are they going to do all day? The need for sexual stimulation doesn’t fade with age. If not, it just becomes stronger. Women get better with age… so I hear anyway.

ANYWAY, I watched a little German film called Wolke Neun (Cloud Nine) In which a cheating 60-something woman has to choose between her 30 year marriage, and the really awesome sex she’s getting from another man. The movie consists of her struggling with her emotions, up until she spills the beans and it’s nothing but awkward after that.

I’ll tell you right now… I have never seen so much old people sex in one movie before, ever. I give credit to the actors. Lots of it. You can’t find many young actors who will do things like that one camera these days. Kinda reminded me of Helen Mirren 1980 . But old.

This movie offers some fantastic, very long shots and very tasteful yet graphic sex scenes. Gives us all hope for win we get old. We don’t have to be boring. The only downside to the movie is the fact it seems a little too short. But It’s all good. It was a fun time.


Hidden Gems: Thou Shalt Not Use Deus Ex Machina

Meryl Streep, she can do it all. Give blowjobs (She Devil), become immortal (Death Becomes Her), run a high powered fashion magazine (Devil Wears Prada), and overcome tough choices (Sophie’s Choice). Now, she pushes the limit. Sex is dirty vans, sex on dirty couches, and snorts fucked up hybrid flower drugs in Adaptation.

But that’s just one part of the story. The other is Nick Cage, playing a screenwriter and his jackoff twin brother as he tries to write a screenplay based off of Streep’s book. All the while, he struggles with his writers block and lack of love with some of the best masturbation sequences I have ever seen… no that’s not creepy. Shut up.

This movie is extremely hard to follow at times, but as it goes on, you’ll catch up.

Anyone who is a writer of any sort owes it to themselves to see this. If not just for the “Writers Ten Commandments”. Streep is good here. Cage is good for once, Tilda Swinton is awesome. And where can I get some of that stuff…? Woo. Add this movie now. You’ll be rolling and your non writing friends will think you’re on drugs.


Hidden Gems: If you don't like Heavy Metal you are a communist.

That’s my whole first paragraph taken care of right there. 2000’s installment of the beautiful magazine/comic book/boob rag features everything you love.

Sexual humor, excessive violence, outer space, boobs.

But underneath all the boobs, there’s quite a bit going on story wise.

A planet is wiped out and it’s up to it’s last survivor to take revenge on a possessed man.

Most of it is beautifully hand drawn in the big boobed Heavy Metal fashion with some surprisingly good physics. It dosen’t get boring for a second, except for a moment during the final battle which I won’t spoil for you. But lets just say it’s too long.

You really feel sorry for the movie’s villain halfway through, he keep trying to get layed but is constantly interrupted. Whether it’s general cockblocking, being shot, or being stabbed.

Adult Animation is really the wave of the future, the kids have grown up… but not quite. Movies like this remind us of the beauty of cartoons, while praying on our more primal desires. There’s another Heavy Metal movie set for release next year, we can only hope it’s just as sweet.


Hidden Gems: Much Ado About Nothing

Shakesphere. You can never go wrong.

If you don’t know the plot. Wiki it. It’s really confusing. Just look at the poster. This work transcends are genres by constantly jumping from one to another.

Sure it must have worked better on stage, but with an ensemble like Kenneth Branagh,  Michael Keaton, Keanu Reeves, Denzel Washington and Emma motherfucking Thompson… you can’t go wrong at all. You also gotta love Reeves with an English accent.

For the longest, I didn’t even know this movie exsisted. But it has like… every good actor ever in it.

I’ll say this right now, I am not a Denzel Washington fan… in the least. And this doesn’t change my mind. The few scenes he’s in, he just looks and seems to feel out of place… being the only black dude in the movie can do that to you I suppose.

All and all, it’s the same hilarious, sexy fun that only the Bard can deliver. And if anything is worth your time, Emma Thompson’s performance is.


Hidden Gems: Across The Universe

Is anybody going to listen to my story. All about the girl who came to stay. She’s the kind of girl…

Okay, if you haven’t gotten the point already, this movie is Beetles related.

Across the Universe came out in early 2007 is a very limited release. It’s directed by the one and only Julie Taymor, the mind behind “The Lion King” Broadway show. The movie stars Evan Rachel Wood, Jim Sturgess, and Joe Anderson. Along with some sweet cameo’s from Bono, Eddie Izzard and Salma Hayek.

I know we’ve all heard “The Beetles” more then some of us would like (I honestly can’t get enough of them.) But having these fresh, very innovative covers complete with fucked up music videos and dance sequences. Bono sings “I am the Walrus”, that’s all you need to know. And the “Let it Be” sequence is one of very few in film that’s brought me to a few tears, take that for what you will.

As far is what the movie is really about, that’s really not a relevant question. A better question is, “What is it not about?” They touch  on love, war, death, the power of rock, jealously, and hardcore drug use as a group of young people struggle to find their way through

Bottom line,  anyone who loves music needs to check this out. I regularly have this soundtrack on cue as I write, it’s fucking catchy. Here’s to hoping they release some of these covers with “Beetles Rock Band” next month.


Hidden Gems: "Frozen River"

2008 was a great year for film. From gems like “Indiana Jones” and “Wall-E” to overrated studio juggernauts such as “Iron Man” and “The Dark Knight”.

But like any other year… there’s a few that slip through the cracks. Whether it’s just on the heels of some studio film… or it’s just not picked up and distributed as it should.

“Frozen River” is a victim of the latter. Unless you were in a major city, you most likely didn’t get the chance to see this film that got nominated for 2 Oscars. 1 for “Best Original Screenplay” and the other for “Best Actress” Mellisa Leo.

The movie focuses on the struggles of a women named Ray Eddie (Played by Leo) whose down payment for a house is stolen by her gambling addict ex-husband. Struggling to make ends meet, she turns to smuggling people across the US/Canada border in her Dodge Shadow (I know those fucking cars were good for something.)

Along the way, Eddie questions her morals and even her very humanity as she craves the money more and more. Which leads to a very interesting conclusion.

The movie focuses on the simple concept that a good mother will do anything for her children. And this is going to the most super of extremes. Well shot on a modest budget up in New York, it really creates a world of little hope. The strong performance from Mellisa Leo will is hopefully the beginning of really great things for her. Get this shit in your Netfilx cue.