movie

I wanted it to be a good movie. Skiptrace (2016) review.

Jackie Chan.

Okay, you already know it’s going to at least be worth a watch. And Skiptrace is.

But wait, there’s more. You got Jackass’ own Johnny Knoxville in it too? This pretty much guarantees someone’s going to get hurt for no reason.

Yeah, I forgot about this movie too. But I finally got around to watching it.

Jackie Chan plays a cop (surprise) who’s always after this crime boss called “The Matador” and his partner and best friend is killed.

Knoxville plays a conman who witnesses a murder in a Hong Kong casino and ends up being shipped off to Russia by the mob. Yeah, there’s a lot going on here and it’s not really  completely thought out. But we do have WWE’s own Eve Torres with a bad Russian accent.

From there, we find Jackie coming to Johnny’s rescue and the embark on a road trip from Russia to Hong Kong. All the while being chased by both the Russians and the Hong Kong… crime whatever. They learn more and more from one another and find a little common ground.

There’s a twist. It’s actually pretty okay.

But obvious ADR problems and numerous plot holes keep this from being great. Which is a shame because Jackie and Knoxville make a great team. I hope they make another movie together. Hell, I’ll take a sequel to this even.

5/10. This movie could be a lot more fun if the Russians weren’t always randomly showing up. They didn’t even give a valid reason for randomly running into them. But you can also never go wrong with watching Jackie awkwardly fight people.

Advertisements

Cursing, Axes, and MacBook Pros: Fist Fight (2017) Review

We’ve all gotten into a fight after school, sometimes with a bully. And that’s when we truly learned to stick up for our damn selves… or just got our asses beat into the ground like the chickens we were. That’s the concept on the whole film. Standing up for your damn self.

A high school teacher (Charlie Day) is accused of getting his fellow teacher (Ice Cube) fired because he was acting all crazy towards the students. This of course prompts the crazy teacher to challenge him to a fist fight after school. You know, because he’s just that nuts.

This is, at it’s core a remake of the (I guess) classic 3 O’clock high. But instead of the a kid trying to avoid the fight at all costs, we have an adult doing it. That’s where the MacBook Pro comes in. But I don’t wanna spoil anything for you.

When the fight DOES occur, you’ll be treated to one of the best fight sequences I’ve seen in many many many many years. All while the laughs keep coming.

It’s also worth noting that Tracy Morgan is finally back on screen and still hilarious as always. Good to see he’s getting better and hasn’t really lost a step in his time off.

Come for the fist fight. Stay for the Big Sean song. It’s worth the price of a ticket alone.

And as an added bonus, there was a Q&A with Charlie Day and director Richie Keen. Got a picture with Charlie, it’s on my twitter.

But yeah, give this movie your support. They talked about what they would do for a sequel. So please go see this so it’ll happen.

9/10. I came out of it smiling. That’s rare for me these days.

 

 

Is it the Shoes? Kicks (2016) Review

large_kicks_ver2

It’s just like the time I went searching for the perfect DDR shoe.
Except it’s not like that at all.

What we do have is Justin Tipping’s first big foray into the wide world of features (welcome yo).

I’ll keep this spoiler free as always.

The movie follows 15 year old Brandon. He’s not that special a kid. He’s really small and he doesn’t have the nicest shoes. He and his two friends hang out everyday, doing the same thing a lot of us high school kids did. Go to the corner store, smoke, play ball. That shit.

But a chance encounter gets him a pair of red Jordans. Yes, the originals (Being from Chicago, I know them well.) And people start to notice him finally. That is, until he gets robbed by a thug named Flaco and his goons. So after feeling sorry for himself, he decides to go find his shoes and get them back. Setting him on the most epic adventure your average 15 year old can get.

On the way, he learns about what really matters, friends and just doing the right thing. Not continuing the violent cycle.

The film really spoke to me not only because I was a nothing special kind of kid. I’m a nothing special kind of adult to many. We have this greatness inside of us all the time that we know is there. It’s just a matter of getting someone else to see it as well. And that’s what Brandon does, even if he’s not feeling the results of the matter.

At the end of the day, it’s one of the things I like best. Just a modest story, told on a modest budget. That’s where the real human stories are.

Check it out on demand right now. Or you can come to my house and watch it if you want. But I’m kidding, don’t come to my house.

Can’t wait to see how Lowriders comes out, and hire me. Please. lol.

Truly Hardcore

maxresdefault (16)

There’s a time in your life when you just watch a movie and just spend the next few days talking about it. This time, it was Hardcore Henry. There’s really not a ton I can say about it but… I think I can say a few things.

First of all, I went to an early screening with Hank. We were the 2nd people in line and waited about 4 hours. Because we were going to get those seats nice and far back because we weren’t trusting a first person movie right off the bat with our stomachs (saw Captain Phillips in the front row. Never fucking again.) After sitting down and getting some nachos. We were ready to rock.

Hardcore Henry is a first person action movie. It puts you in the shoes of the hero has he throws, shoots, and freeruns all over the place.

 

I’m basically going to stop describing it here, because you can watch the trailer right above and figure everything out from there.

 

The most important thing is this… I didn’t get any motion sickness whatsoever. Maybe it’s because I’ve played FPSes for so long. But there isn’t any more camera shake than the Bourne films so if  you can survive that, you’ll be okay.

 

It’s Hour Thirty runtime seems just right. It gets Henry’s story in and out quickly. But the real star of the movie is Sharlto Copley who wears many hats during this movie (again, trying not to spoil the fun for you.)

 

Basically, what I’m getting at is this… go see it in theaters. It’s best with friends. I was lucky enough to see it in a crowded theater. You’ll whoop and holler throughout the whole thing. It’s fun like that. Shoutout to director Ilya Naishuller for giving me hope that there are original action movies out there. What’s next? A sequel? That could really be fun.

Anyway, go see it before it’s out of theaters.

 

Expect a video when it’s out on Blu Ray where I point out all the references.

Shooting Next Week: Some Thoughts on the Movie.

ff

Time for thinking once again. I started writing this about 14 months ago. Then a rewrite about 5 months ago when we lost Barrett. But everything has finally come into place. FINALLY… AT FUCKING LAST GODDAMMIT.

Things are going smooth. I’ve been sure to lay out everything I’m going to do for these sons of bitches so there are no surprises and hopefully no bullshit. But we all know there’s going to be bullshit… so I just want less of it. I don’t think it’s so much to ask. But I dig the actors that I got. They’re really something else. I have yet to see what they can do in the heat of battle but I’m getting good vibes at least.

I’m really glad the actor’s search has gone as well as it has. It’s hard to believe it, but I’m at that point where I’m not begging for people to come. People see what you do and they come to you. It’s really a cool feeling and actually validates my hard work more than any amount of money would. I left every meeting smiling, which is a big deal to me. As a lot of you know, I really have problems with just people in general. I trust nobody. Especially after the shit that went down the last time.

By the way if you want to donate to the movie so we can up our production values, then feel free. just saying. We have something super solid in here.

We have new tech, and someone new behind the lens (me)… and much better sound equipment (and better people running sound, how hard is it to read levels people?)

I owe it to these guys to have a spectacular movie. That’s always my goal. Until the last shot nothing means more to me than these guys.

Guess I should share the IMDB with you all. I’ll link you to the twitters and shit so you can send them pictures of your penis.

No, don’t really do that. I’ll get in trouble. Everyone needs to be on the twitters. It’s a way of life like that.

Returning:

Cody Gough

Julie Hurt

Denise Saponara

Joseph William Greene

Barrett Blomberg

Kevin James Parli

Alexander Favors

Lola Lopez

Shane Muir

Newcomers:

Chris Swensen

Marta Sand

Mahogany Milan

Patrick Miller

Adam Kirby

Harvey Pierson

Chris Langer

Willie Huff

Nickolas Jason Mariani

Josephine Saponara

Amberly Stimpson

Tony Mich

Look out for us in the springtime. I’ll be around with periodic updates and whatnot. Have a good day and a good life.