Movie Reviews

I wanted it to be a good movie. Skiptrace (2016) review.

Jackie Chan.

Okay, you already know it’s going to at least be worth a watch. And Skiptrace is.

But wait, there’s more. You got Jackass’ own Johnny Knoxville in it too? This pretty much guarantees someone’s going to get hurt for no reason.

Yeah, I forgot about this movie too. But I finally got around to watching it.

Jackie Chan plays a cop (surprise) who’s always after this crime boss called “The Matador” and his partner and best friend is killed.

Knoxville plays a conman who witnesses a murder in a Hong Kong casino and ends up being shipped off to Russia by the mob. Yeah, there’s a lot going on here and it’s not really  completely thought out. But we do have WWE’s own Eve Torres with a bad Russian accent.

From there, we find Jackie coming to Johnny’s rescue and the embark on a road trip from Russia to Hong Kong. All the while being chased by both the Russians and the Hong Kong… crime whatever. They learn more and more from one another and find a little common ground.

There’s a twist. It’s actually pretty okay.

But obvious ADR problems and numerous plot holes keep this from being great. Which is a shame because Jackie and Knoxville make a great team. I hope they make another movie together. Hell, I’ll take a sequel to this even.

5/10. This movie could be a lot more fun if the Russians weren’t always randomly showing up. They didn’t even give a valid reason for randomly running into them. But you can also never go wrong with watching Jackie awkwardly fight people.

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Smugglecraft has a Kickstarter at last. Yay!

Way back at IndypopCon 2016 (damn that was forever ago) we got to play this little gem.

Think of it like the Sparrow racing in Destiny, except there are customizations that actually matter and the races are compelling.

We got to do play a little bit and even though if was obviously still early, if any of you know me I’m a big fan of racers… the more insane the better. Just look at my love for Split Second.

Anyway, give their kKickstarter a look. Give them some money. And the beta is coming sooner than I thought. So that’s a great thing. I’ll be picking it up for sure. All I hope is that the online will be up to par. Even though you’ll be doing couch play with this one more often for sure.

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/happybadgers/smugglecraft-a-quest-based-hovercraft-racing-game

 

 

 

Cursing, Axes, and MacBook Pros: Fist Fight (2017) Review

We’ve all gotten into a fight after school, sometimes with a bully. And that’s when we truly learned to stick up for our damn selves… or just got our asses beat into the ground like the chickens we were. That’s the concept on the whole film. Standing up for your damn self.

A high school teacher (Charlie Day) is accused of getting his fellow teacher (Ice Cube) fired because he was acting all crazy towards the students. This of course prompts the crazy teacher to challenge him to a fist fight after school. You know, because he’s just that nuts.

This is, at it’s core a remake of the (I guess) classic 3 O’clock high. But instead of the a kid trying to avoid the fight at all costs, we have an adult doing it. That’s where the MacBook Pro comes in. But I don’t wanna spoil anything for you.

When the fight DOES occur, you’ll be treated to one of the best fight sequences I’ve seen in many many many many years. All while the laughs keep coming.

It’s also worth noting that Tracy Morgan is finally back on screen and still hilarious as always. Good to see he’s getting better and hasn’t really lost a step in his time off.

Come for the fist fight. Stay for the Big Sean song. It’s worth the price of a ticket alone.

And as an added bonus, there was a Q&A with Charlie Day and director Richie Keen. Got a picture with Charlie, it’s on my twitter.

But yeah, give this movie your support. They talked about what they would do for a sequel. So please go see this so it’ll happen.

9/10. I came out of it smiling. That’s rare for me these days.

 

 

Is it the Shoes? Kicks (2016) Review

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It’s just like the time I went searching for the perfect DDR shoe.
Except it’s not like that at all.

What we do have is Justin Tipping’s first big foray into the wide world of features (welcome yo).

I’ll keep this spoiler free as always.

The movie follows 15 year old Brandon. He’s not that special a kid. He’s really small and he doesn’t have the nicest shoes. He and his two friends hang out everyday, doing the same thing a lot of us high school kids did. Go to the corner store, smoke, play ball. That shit.

But a chance encounter gets him a pair of red Jordans. Yes, the originals (Being from Chicago, I know them well.) And people start to notice him finally. That is, until he gets robbed by a thug named Flaco and his goons. So after feeling sorry for himself, he decides to go find his shoes and get them back. Setting him on the most epic adventure your average 15 year old can get.

On the way, he learns about what really matters, friends and just doing the right thing. Not continuing the violent cycle.

The film really spoke to me not only because I was a nothing special kind of kid. I’m a nothing special kind of adult to many. We have this greatness inside of us all the time that we know is there. It’s just a matter of getting someone else to see it as well. And that’s what Brandon does, even if he’s not feeling the results of the matter.

At the end of the day, it’s one of the things I like best. Just a modest story, told on a modest budget. That’s where the real human stories are.

Check it out on demand right now. Or you can come to my house and watch it if you want. But I’m kidding, don’t come to my house.

Can’t wait to see how Lowriders comes out, and hire me. Please. lol.

A guy got shot in the head… so… Headshot! I get it! Headshot (2016) Review

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Headshot is is must for those who enjoy the genre of… well, I don’t really know where to throw this one. I really don’t wanna say Kung Fu because this isn’t China. But I don’t want to say “Indonesian Martial Arts Film” because you’ll just have a huge question mark over your head if you’re not in the know. So we’re just gonna call it an “Ass Kicking Film”.

There you go. New genre, “Ass Kicking”.

Because that’s exactly what happens all throughout the movie. The first 20 minutes or so is a little bit slow, with our hero waking up on a beach with amnesia (yes, that again). The nurse, readying Moby Dick at the time gives him the name Ishmael. From there, a gang of thugs keeps trying to kill him and his new girlfriend, the nurse. Who of course gets kidnapped along with a long child. Because you need the small child element to get things extra tense I guess.

This is literally as deep as the storyline really goes. Any more and I’ll spoil the whole damn thing for you. This movie is literally like playing through a Double Dragon game. All fighting no story. But it’s fun as hell.

You’ll recognise star Iko Uwais from The Raid and it’s equally good sequel. He’s here doing what he does best. Kick ass. And he’s under the direction of Timo Tjahjanto (ABC’s of Death) gives us yet another down and really dirty movie. If you saw ABC’s of Death, you know what I mean.

7/10.
I really want to go back and really analyse these fight scenes though. So smoothly edited and pretty damn long.

Don’t come in expecting any sort of a good story. There’s about 3 movies of content packed into a sub-2 hour run time.

It’s currently running at the Chicago International Film Festival as part of the After Dark series. Go check it out this week. If not, I’m sure it’ll be on DVD and stuff at some time soon. This is really a good one to watch with your action movie nerd friends.

Never Giving Up: “Kubo and the Two Strings”

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That’s right, we’re talking movies again… now that we’re making movies again. How about that shit?

But like always, I’ll be quick, and to the point.

Kubo and the Two Strings follows the adventure of Kubo (duh) at 12 year old boy who takes care of his mother who suffers from memory loss due to a brain injury. He goes to the town nearby and tells stories using magic and has two string simissin.

But of course things go south when Kubo’s aunts (who are evil of course) come by to kidnap him and take his other eye.

What begins is a magical quest to find a suit a magical armor that will protect him. From there I can’t really spoil it for you. But here’s a quick thought.

Kubo represents me a little bit. Someone who can do some super cool things. But isn’t quite there yet. Doesn’t know what to do, and is a tad scared. But with a little encouragement, finds his way, as well as a patch to forgiveness and understanding.

Maybe I as looking into the movie a little too much, but it’s just kinda how I feel on the matter.

It’s gonna go down as one of my favorites of the year for sure. Go see it, no one seems to be for some reason. Dunno.