And Percy cried out… WHY AM I IN SUCH A SUCK ASS MOVIE?

Greek mythology is badass. No question to that. A seemingly endless soap oprea of betral, sex, and war. Some of the grandist characters ever imagined walks these halls.

Too bad they were on a lunch break while the movie was being shot.

The Lightning Thief focuses on dumbass kid Percy Jackson who lives a typical shitty life in a shitty apartment with his mother and shitty stepfather. Learning disabilitys mean you’re a demigod too… really. So don’t feel bad that you can’t read good.

For some reason, Percy is wrongfully accused of stealing Zeus thunderbolt (they never gave a reason WHY he was being accused of such a crime in the first place) And is forced to go on the run with his mother to a hogwarts-like camp where demigods train. For what? They never said. They do play a lot of capture the flag though.

Percy’s mother was unable to enter the camp via a videogame style invisable forcefield and is captured by Hades. Now instead of going to Zeus and sorting all the shit out, he INSTEAD goes to hell to fight Hades and save his mother… and forgeting some 1st grade math in the process.

What then ensues is a random miss-mosh of cameos and a hilarious hotel scene with Medusa’s head. All coming to a very abrupt conclusion.

To be quite frank, there were a few scenes that worked in this movie. Too bad putting them all together wouldn’t fill up the alloted time for a Youtube video. I have never seen a movie fuck up Greek mytology SO much. It was already confusing enough. These people thought it would be the next Harry Potter. No, it’s not. Harry Potter can do simple math. If you love yourself, don’t waste your money.

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